Reshare: #49: Meh-Mindfulness

 Life is meant to be lived, not contemplated. I am glad that mindfulness, self-reflection, and growth have become more mainstream. Though, I feel social media gurus, coaches, and influencers take tools that can benefit one’s life to an extreme. Wealth, social clout, and knowing your “best self” are often touted as outcomes. But today I want to focus less on the extremes (of effort or outcome) and instead help you get curious about ways you can be mindful about the life you’re creating (that actually already IS good enough). I like to use the term “Meh-Mindfulness” because to me, about 10% should be planning, reflecting, and considering and the other 90% stems from actually living your life.

Maybe if you iron out every single variable for every single action you’d achieve more (and more quickly). Maybe if you premeditated every conversation down to the word you’d attain a preferable social status (at least superficially). And maybe if you budgeted down to the penny for every purchase you’d buy safety in your future… BUT I ask this: At what cost? Life isn’t a destination, it’s the path you're living each day. Living in the future for joy and fulfillment or harshly scrutinizing past decisions is fruitless. So when you’re reading this post I hope it helps you release the chokehold (if you’re holding mindfulness too tightly) or helps you see the value in mindfulness (and not roll your eyes at the buzzy buzz buzzword). 

[Morning Momentum] 
I get it: not everyone is a morning person. I have been waking up to start my day around 4 am since I was in college. So, my current practice of waking at 4:30 am isn’t a huge deviation from my comfort zone. I enjoy having several hours to myself ahead of Genevieve waking for the day (she rises between 7-8am). This is the time and space where I fill my metaphorical cup. Starting my day with productive and dynamic energy, I am better able to keep (to use Genevieve’s words) “go, go, going” throughout the remainder of the day (an object in motion stays in motion; an object at rest stays at rest). 

On an ideal day, I wake and sit quietly in my dark living room with one earbud in (listening to an audiobook or podcast) as I break my fast and sip my coffee. I try to stay off socials, unless it’s Pinterest. Probably because Pinterest feels productive and positive. I might find a new recipe, a quote that inspires me, or activities I’d like to try with Genevieve. I think it is easy to say social sites are “BAD” but if we look at what motivates us to use them and limit our time doing so, I think they can actually add value to our day. I will also check for messages and responses, though via text, messenger, or Instagram as well. 

Upon finishing my first cup of coffee (in a mug), I pour my second cup (in a lidded thermos). This is because I move myself into my office space and only sip the second cup as I move into my reflection routine. I am detailing the components that make up my reflective practice, though it is by no means a perfect system. It is simply MY system that works for ME right now. The first thing I do is look at my agenda for the month, week, and day. I add in a blurb about my favorite thing Genevieve did during the prior day and get my bearings around expectations for the day. I check the weather to see what to expect and determine which tasks I’d like to complete during Genevieve’s naptime (I am very fortunate that she has a solid, predictable 3-hour nap during the afternoon each day). 

Next, I read one chapter from The Tao Te Ching. My goal for 2023 is to savor and focus on only one chapter (really this is a small poem) each day. I read the chapter several times, sit quietly, notate on the page, and then move into my journal. My style of journaling is open-ended. I am not someone who likes artificial prompts. Instead, I find value in a nice leather-bound journal with inviting yellowed pages that are empty for whatever I want to divulge on the pages. I typically write five to fifteen sentences about what came up for me when reading the chapter or connections I’ve drawn. The Tao is essentially the book I use to fill my spiritual cup. I use it to align myself to energy that is bigger than myself. 

After my work with the Tao, I move into a stream of conscious writing exercise in the same journal. Usually this is about a page in length (though sometimes it is much longer if I am venting, working through something, or playing with a thought). Typically I write about my “noticings.” Noticings would be emotions I am feeling, sensations in my body (tension or aches), thoughts, ideas, or judgments. I use this space to name, notice, and process what is going on with me. I give myself space to sit and feel and ask the question “what else might be here?” I may find myself especially hungry when I know I am eating adequately. For me, that is usually a sign I need to fill up on something fulfilling. I may make a note in my planner to grab my current book when I am wanting to snack, or work on a post. If we can reflect on ourselves, our motivations, present shortcomings, and trends we can better situate ourselves to work through it with a more favorable outcome then if we were simply moving on autopilot. 

The aforementioned practice then clears space and gives me the momentum (with the help of my second cup of coffee) to begin writing. Again, I do not have rules or expectations for what I accomplish. I have several writing projects I work on, and simply allow myself to work. Sometimes that’s research (currently I am working on a post about essential oils and fragrance and their impact on the digestive and breathing systems of littles). Other times its ghost writing for another blog, brainstorming on my legal pad, or writing out words for my own projects. Or I simply read a book (new or revisited). In the words of Lao Tzu, “a good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants.” I try not to force, but let come. To do this I need to be aware of my ego, notice it, but not let it drive me. The past two weeks I have actually written a bit less. Instead, I feel more alignment to knock out some daily chores ahead of G waking. I try to flow with that and give space for ideas to breathe and not worry about a temporary lapse in words written. 

When Genevieve starts rousing for the day, that’s my call to end my writing. Sometimes this happens abruptly or early. But instead of cursing it, I simply flow with it. I wash my face, brush my teeth, do my hair, and get dressed. If the dogs allow it, I make the bed and unload the dishwasher. When G is really moving, I begin my daily practice of vacuuming the entire house, ending in her room. She drinks her water in her crib and I give her a basket of stuffed animals and a couple books to enjoy while I finish. Do I want to vacuum the whole house first thing in the morning? NO. Do I need to do this? I do. You may not find this necessary, but with two Saint Bernards this is a very important task to complete. 

So, in a typical morning, I am able to have my contemplative alone time, fuel my body, reflect and create, tend to my physical morning needs, and reset my environment. This enables me to be present with G during her wakeful periods. Are there other little tasks I do while she’s awake? Of course. Are there mornings she wakes early and not everything on this list gets done? Absolutely. However, more often than not I am able to get most, or all of these items accomplished. Other days I actually need more sleep and I will take the day off. But the key is flow and hold integrity of intention. 

I am not prescribing my morning to you. But instead inviting you to consider what does a morning routine look like for you right now? What can you include that helps build momentum for your day? Then it isn’t committing in stone, but trying it out. See how the puzzle pieces fit and feel. Does it work? Then keep doing it. Does it stress you out or feel pointless? Drop it and replace it with something else. 

[Movement] 
In the past, I would go too hard in the movement department. I would spend HOURS in the gym every single day without a rest day until my body demanded it. However, I am not actively in a race or bodybuilding prep and so my focus on movement is aligned with balance. I am not one to be overly mindful of how many steps I walk or how many calories I burn. I have an apple watch, and while I may notice the metrics for a baseline, I like to say “I try to be more active than my watch tells me I am.” I say this as someone who moves an average of 15,000-25,000 steps a day (when I checked in on my daily averages via my health app for the sake of this post). 

I read recently about a new trend in activity called “the active couch potato” and basically this title is given to those who punch it in at the gym or for a workout but then remain sedentary for the remainder of the day–moving little and then thinking they “earned” the drinks, treats, and indulgent meals that far exceed anything they probably burned (or their device told them they did). I raise my hand as someone who totally fit this description at earlier phases of my life. Now, I try to move my body multiple times a day, but without forcing it. 

I have basically been out of the gym since 2020 lockdowns. Yet at the same time, I’ve never felt better in my body without being in training for something. I have maintained a weight and body composition that feels and looks good and my immune system is great. Consistent, sustainable habits–without stressing about it or forcing it. I move because I know my body (and mind) need it each day. And I make movement a compliment to the season or “schedule” I am currently keeping. 

Walking. Walking is SO underrated and so good for you. It is intentional that I walk outside. I choose to walk in my neighborhood because it feels safe and I can do half-mile laps and “jump off” whenever Genevieve is “all done” since she is with me all day long. Genevieve loves her Bob running stroller and her Doona Trike. I alternate which one I use. We walk each dog (individually) two times a day (minimum). We get the benefit of being in the fresh air, morning sun, and learning to tolerate whatever the weather is. We walk in the cold, the rain, the heat. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.” Because I simply accept the weather is what it is, this teaches Genevieve to be persistent even in unfavorable conditions. We also use walking to socialize. I love walking with some of my friends and their littles for a few laps and/or stopping and chatting with neighbors. Genevieve points to her friends' houses, the mailboxes, and birds and we share the time together as well. I avoid texting, calling, or listening to headphones and instead talk to Genevieve about what we are seeing or play music for us both to enjoy together. 

Since Genevieve is always with me, and we are not using sitters or child care options, my activities are those she can do with me or that I can do while she sleeps. So I may get a workout or yoga session in while she naps but primarily focused on runs together using the Bob. In January of 2022 I began running with G. I started gradually and we worked up to running 3-6 miles a day together. In March of 2022 we ran a 10K together and Genevieve loved it! In fact, we are running the same event’s 5K (10K is not offered) in a couple weeks. 

I have learned I am a winter runner. This winter I would run 3 miles a day during the week WITH Genevieve and a running stroller. I cannot stress enough how much more challenging this is than running solo. Wind resistance and the extra weight of the stroller are probably one of the best quad training exercises I could recommend and turns my runs from cardio alone into a resistance training task (think about pushing a sled for a short distance at the gym; now think about doing that for three miles straight…). Then on weekends I would get in a long run, 8-13 miles. Now that we are moving into spring (in Texas we already have 70–80-degree weather days), I am adding in more weight resistance training at a gym on weekends while Genevieve naps and Andrew is home with her. 

  optioned for home workouts if I did one since having Genevieve in 2021. I didn’t want to miss out on weekend family time, so I would do a whole-body workout that I designed in the garage. I am here to tell you that you don’t need a full several-thousand-dollar gym in the garage to get a good lift. All I used were 8 lb. dumbbells, 20 lb. kettlebell, 25 and 35 lb. single plate weight, jump rope, yoga mat, and my roman chair. I would rely on supersets for each muscle group and focus on varying my grip on the different lifts. I would only pepper in these workouts periodically, at times not even every week and my muscle definition is still great. Keep in mind, pre-pregnancy I had a great base to work from as I was coming off of back-to-back bodybuilding preps, but still. A new Crunch Fitness just opened in my area, and is literally 8 minutes from my house. For the past three weeks I am back to lifting on weekends. I do an upper body day and Stairmaster on Saturday and on Sunday I do lower body and then sprints on the treadmill or a “long run” of six miles in the neighborhood at home after my lift. 

An activity that is completely underrated and super beneficial to my muscle tone is regular yoga. I LOVE Sarah Beth Yoga on YouTube. I used her videos for prenatal and postpartum yoga. After I graduated from postpartum yoga, I found one of her yoga flow videos that is the perfect 20-minute, whole-body routine. I have used this routine for over a year. I basically have it memorized and can do it in the morning or during a nap time. There was a time when I would do the practice every single day, other weeks where I did it only a couple times. The stretch, flow, and breath work make this activity beneficial on so many levels. Right now, I am aiming for 2-4 yoga sessions a week. 

And generally speaking, I am up and moving a lot throughout the day. I vacuum the entire house before Genevieve wakes, keep up with chores, chase a toddler who seems to only know how to run, and have training clients who I do the workouts, yoga, or walking with (instead of just telling them what to do). We go on errands, play together outside, and otherwise are “go, go, going.” Being active is simply living life. I don’t describe the above list to say “look at me and all I do” but rather to validate the fact that just doing life is good enough and counts too. 

Movement also requires rest. This is a concept our busy buzzing world thinks is synonymous for being lazy, but it is not. In order to have the CAPACITY for movement, you need rest. This is getting good sleep at night, but also means some days AREN’T productive. There are days that I nap when G does. Or I don’t get the run in because I am sore/the weather/ our schedule. I don’t fight or judge that, I lean into it. Why? Because I know we are not what we occasionally do, we are what we consistently do. I consistently move. So periodic rest actually affords me the ability to push my distance or speed a little further the next time I move. I do not personally like those “Hard 75” type things because they do not give one space to breathe in order to make their habits sustainable. When I say I do something daily, I don’t mean seven days a week, I mean MOST days. So I will say “I run with G every week day” but it is MOST days. If we don’t make space for the natural needs, we will either burn out mentally or wind up with a physical injury. I never have injuries, no joint pains, I don’t get sick, and I never feel like I am redlining myself. So I move to feel good, not move to “be good.”

Earlier I mentioned balance. The components of my movement all afford me different, complimentary benefits. Running affords me mental clarity, reduces anxiousness, and boosts creativity. Yoga flow brings stillness and awareness of my body while challenging each muscle group. A whole-body resistance workout enables me to tax each muscle group deliberately. I also meditate for 5-20 minutes regularly in order to gain better focus (that translates to other areas of life and not perseverating on stressors). Walking allows me to connect to G, my dogs, my friends or neighbors, and to nature (albeit suburban nature). I’ve learned not to force a structure forever, but to let my routine and habits ebb and flow with the seasons of my life and of the year. I do not hold anything too tightly, but instead notice what’s working or what’s coming up for change. So be curious about how movement (both deliberate and natural) can fit into the life you live. Try it out, and let yourself be a beginner. Confidence and ability come from experience. You’ll always “hate running” if you never give yourself the space to learn how to do it. 

[Consumption] 
What we consume matters. Not only in the sense of what we eat or drink, but also in entertainment. As it relates to food: I have been at both ends of the spectrum. I have been an ultra-clean meal prepper who measures everything and never deviates from the plan. And I have also been a binge eater who can eat two bags of kettle chips and an entire container of peanut butter in a single night without batting an eye (but with a horrible stomachache). I have been incredibly mindful to build healthful habits with food. Since becoming pregnant, I have worked on intuitive eating. I had to learn the difference between physical and psychological hunger. I don’t count calories or measure everything out (though I do still measure my caffeine intake or a serving of rice or yogurt to know I am not over or under serving myself). Bodybuilding as a practice helped me learn how to construct a meal and determine portion sizes. And I had previously used macros calculators and can navigate that now without needing to track. If you do not have extensive experience with a coach or calculator, MyFitnessPal is a fantastic tool to help you learn. 

80/20. This is the best rule I can express for anyone who wants to find a sustainable diet that allows them to feel satisfied and to avoid the yo-yo diet rollercoaster. 80% of your diet should be fuel. 20% of your diet should be fun. For me this includes a bedtime snack, usually cookies or a glass of wine and fun meals on the weekends. When we go to a restaurant, I give myself permission to have two drinks (usually some type of mule), split an appetizer with Andrew, an entree, and some type of dessert. This is a once-a-week occurrence. I rarely eat out more than once a week, and sometimes it might be once a month. The first weekend of the month we do “special breakfast” and have donuts or go to a favorite brunch spot. On holidays, like Mardi Gras, we made homemade beignets and Cajun chicken pasta. When I am not in an active prep, there’s no reason to be hyper strict about food. I just generally eat well and consistently, at home during the week and then let myself indulge when it's called for. You can have abs and eat cookies, it's not the WHAT but the HOW MUCH that matters most. 

I am also not hyper attached to the fears around food. I will eat peanut M&Ms, buy non-organic food, eat at Whataburger and buy processed snacks. Again, it comes back to consistency. I do not eat these things primarily (or even often). I am a firm believer that the worst food for you is the is the food you stress about. That being said: because I do not have these foods often, I can more easily notice the impacts on my body. That means when I eat at Buffalo Wild Wings, I notice as I go to sleep my fingers feel swollen or my joints have a twinge of pain from inflammation (that passes by the time I wake). Or I notice if I have two glasses of a sweet white wine I will have a bit higher levels of anxiety as I try to fall asleep that night and some of the next day. Does this mean I never have those things? Nope, still do. But I can make sure I move early the next day and drink lots of water. And it often does make me prefer eating Andrew's homemade boneless wings and fries or switch to a dry red wine instead. It isn’t wrong to notice what food does to our bodies, but I find it doesn’t help anything to be afraid of them. 

For example’s sake, here is what a typical weekday of food looks like for me
(Right now where I am doing a mild spring cut in weight): 
Wake: 16 oz of coffee with creamer and a bowl of 100g of GREEK low-fat yogurt with ½ cup of granola, 1 small fuji apple with cinnamon
Lunch: 1 bag of chopped salad and fixings (from store) with 6 oz of smoked chicken breast and 8 oz of coffee with creamer OR ⅔ cup of egg whites with 100 g of white rice with redhot and a mixed greens salad with greek-oil-based dressing and a serving of croutons
Snack: nut & yogurt bar 
Dinner: Some type of lean protein (but steak and salmon each once a week), some type of complex carb (rice or white potato usually), and a green (usually salad or broccoli) 
Evening Treat: either 2-4 peanut butter chocolate cookies or 2-4 chocolate rice cakes or glass of red wine 

But we consume more than what we eat and drink. We are inundated with content. What we choose to watch, listen to, or interact with also impacts us. Again, we don’t have to be afraid of it or label something as bad. But rather we can be aware and allow that awareness to impact our habits.  

For instance, I use social media often and I don’t feel guilty about it. Nor do I feel a need to announce a break or “leave” for an extended period of time. I use Instagram and Facebook as a way to connect with people in my life who don’t live close. I love seeing posts or stories to hear updates, celebrate with them, share recommendations, or otherwise connect. I personally use my pages as a scrapbook. I am not worried about “putting out content” but rather as a way to post pictures and videos of what this snapshot of my life was like. I am sure I would be considered an “over-sharer”, but I also don’t care at all. I share what is resonant. I share successes, vulnerable lessons, my writing, and ask for recommendations. To me socials aren’t bad, just as nothing actually is, but the way we interact with them can be. 

Are there days I scroll too much? Of course. But if I find myself mindlessly doing so, I don’t use it to judge myself or the addictiveness of the app, but instead ask myself what is ACTUALLY fulfilling that I need to do? Maybe I need to call someone to connect, work on a project, or there is something running in the background I am dissociating from. I have more interest in being curious about a bad habit than rooting out the source and blaming it. 

There are also certain popular trends or apps I simply just can’t do. I am not labeling them as bad, but they do not resonate for me for various reasons. Tik Tok. I don’t do it; I don’t seek out short videos that feel like high school Spanish class skits. I am someone who enjoys long-form podcasts and audiobooks, so the short bursts of stimulation are not appealing to me. I also think they promote mindless scrolling, so in general I just choose to avoid that app. Snapchat. Another one that just feels weird to me. I prefer Instagram, though I am not a reels person (again I use my Instagram as a scrapbook or to check in on people who I actually know). I follow very few influencers and so my interactions are very personal. 

In fact, I have had many friendships bloom from messages and so I find a lot of value and personal connection on the app instead of superficial “motivation.” I stick to podcasts related to interviews, deep conversations, and comedians. My absolute favorite new pod is Blocks by Neil Brennan. He interviews his friends, people like David Letterman, and discusses the blocks (things in their life/ personality that trip them up) they live with and work around. I am also a non-fiction reader. Usually, child development or personal development stuff. The topics genuinely interest me, so I would challenge you to find books that pique your own interests. Actually, lately I've been doing a deeper dive on stoicism, so many of my books are related to that. Though I am also trying to bring in some fluffy fiction into the mix as well. 

At this stage of my life, I don’t watch many movies. I have my favorite shows: Ted Lasso, Shrinking, Trying, Succession to name a few. We are currently working our way through Mad Men for the first time, too. And Andrew and I will occasionally find a movie on a streamer like The Glass Onion to enjoy. But we typically stick to stand up specials. There have been so many good ones lately. Our absolute favorite show that we watch (splitting the episode in half) Monday and Tuesday is Kill Tony. It’s a live comedy podcast hosted by comedian Tony Hinchcliffe where he pulls names from a bucket to do 1-minute of comedy and an interview for a live audience in addition to more skilled 'regulars.' It is a lot of fun. 

Probably one of the most important things I try to do is not live in an echo chamber. Right now, it seems easy to only listen to perspectives and voices we agree with. Or think we can only have relationships with someone who is “good” aka holds our exact views and perspectives. Some of my favorite people are nothing like me or hold totally dissimilar political or religious views. Instead of judging what they believe, I simply allow them to believe in what resonates for them. Why? Because I want the same respect. We are all ever-changing and evolving and none of us hold the exact same beliefs. By listening to perspectives that I disagree with (this means continuing to read an audiobook with parts that I am not aligned with or a podcast interview that makes me cringe) in order to gain perspective and empathy. And will I enter into a debate or discussion with a friend with a different perspective? Absolutely. And I do so with respect and no intention of changing their mind. 

I am describing what I choose to consume in regard to content not to tell you what to consume, but rather to express the kinds of things I choose to spend time with. Laughing is like breathwork in the sense it is a release and benefits you hormonally and emotionally. I too enjoy dynamic dramas or shows and podcasts that make me think and/or reflect. What do you consume? How do you feel during or after? Are these things enriching your life or are they putting more tension or negativity into your experience? Are there ways you’d benefit by adjusting or replacing the content you consume? 
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My blog is called Winging It with Intention, and meh-mindfulness is certainly aligned to that concept. I spend my time deliberately, reflecting on what currently works or needs tweaking. But I also wing it and try stuff out and give space for the natural flow of life. I do not hold anything rigidly. Starting my day with momentum and habits that energize me, moving my body, and considering what I consume all enrich the life I am living. I hope something in this post inspires you or makes you curious about how you can enjoy each day.