#7: Researching Mindfully without Losing Your Mind

We live in a world that inundates us with information. There are a gazillion books, audiobooks, blogs, and podcasts (and now even social media influencers) who present information on pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Moreover, these often biased sources can make us feel like we are terrible moms or moms-to-be for not doing it their prescribed way. How does one optimally maximize what they can get from available resources without feeling overwhelmed, judged, and too-full? As someone who loves information, I will share some of the ways I have tried to educate myself without overload thus far and will share a list of some of my favorites (keep in mind they are specific to the parenting philosophy I subscribe and may differ from your own). 

Keepin' It High Level
My first strategy to intake information mindfully is to keep my reading or listening high level. Since Genevieve is not yet here, everything is a hypothetical. Will she latch? Will she have colic? What does infant enrichment look like? Rather than taking detailed notes on the statistics, the "sure-fire plan to fix X, Y, or Z", etc my preference is to listen to audiobooks or podcasts while I am doing chores, driving, or on my daily walks. I find that this lets me hold the big picture of the topic being discussed and not get bogged down into the minutiae and statistics. I especially enjoy listening to them while I am walking outside because the fresh air and movement help me focus and feel calm. In short, I personally prefer audiobooks (going deep on one thing) to podcasts or reading the books. I dabble in podcasts and buy a physical copy of books I believe to be helpful for reference (What to Expect the First Year, for example) but my personal preference is definitely audiobooks. 

Even if I am listening to a book that has a very particular perspective, I try to comb out the bias and hyperbole and focus on resonance. By this I mean asking myself: Is this resonant for ME? Each mom or mom-to-be who will have a different answer based on their values and the dynamic they are trying to construct. Personally, I prefer perspectives that are rooted in the neurological development of the child that follow the child's individual development and lead. I am also very interested in simplicity, routines, and deliberate communication (talking and active listening). And as it specifically relates to pregnancy, I enjoy the books that tell you the nitty gritty realities and are not overly concerned with "the most natural way is the only right way." My favorite book for pregnancy is What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff. I actually listened to the audiobook prior to us trying for Genevieve. What I appreciate most about this book is it presents the information in a factual and judgement-free way while telling you the different perspectives that come into play as well. To me, pregnancy is one of the most natural processes and our bodies are designed for it. So while I try to move, eat pretty well, and avoid what could be harmful, I am not too worried about the details of development and I am leaning in to trusting the biological process. So I personally direct most of my learning to parenting strategies once Baby G is here. 

Going Back In 
Since I am reading and listening to books that deal with sleep training, breastfeeding, and other detailed child care and development topics, I keep a list of the books I have found most helpful. I do this because I am listening at a high and detached level right now, but if a specific need arises, I can go back in to a particularly helpful resource. Say Genevieve is dealing with a sleep regression, I know I can go back to Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth to comb through specific strategies he mentioned that could help us overcome that obstacle. Or I can't tell you how many times I have gone back into What to Expect When You're Expecting.

My orientation is not to worry unless there is something to worry about. Therefore I am not trying to solve problems Genevieve has not yet expressed. Instead I try to hold a high-level idea of a potential problem (i.e. what colic, mastitis, or a tongue tie might be) and then hold space and observe what we are actually experiencing. Of course this will also mean leaning into experts like her pediatrician and other resources I have not yet explored. But by first having focused on a topic from a high level, if I go back in deeper about a specific topic (say tongue tie or lip tie) I may use a more specific secondary source that would not have been on my radar before (say a podcast specifically on that topic). 

Short, Simple, & Sweet Notes
I do not have a detailed notebook filled with potential problems, symptoms, and citations; I do, however, keep a note on my phone with resonant bits of information I want to remember or that might be helpful later. Having this note on my phone means I can easily send Andrew something I write down that could be relevant to him, or I have quick access to the information since my phone is with me most of the time compared to a notebook. If I am on a walk I can quickly jot something down without burdening myself with a notebook and pen. I may note a particularly helpful chapter in a certain book, a strategy, or specific detail that is useful. For example, did you know all babies are the fussiest during the sixth week after their original due date (even if a baby is a premie)? I already put a note of this on my calendar. When we highlight and annotate and write down too much, we saturate ourselves. When we are saturated, we cannot think clearly or act effectively. Therefore, by having specific and simple notes of things most significant to you, you're setting yourself up to put that information to good use when you do need it. 


My greatest comfort is knowing that families have raised happy and healthy children without reading all the (right) parenting books and making perfect decisions. I do not expect to parent perfectly (nor do I think that is possible). I read parenting books not with the intention to "do it right" but as a means to learn about potential obstacles, strategies, and topics that might help better inform actions I take and decisions I make. I am also leaning in to the notion that I am always doing my best and operating from the best information I have at the time. I am going to make mistakes, over react, want a do-over, or wish I had learned something sooner. AND by modeling that I can mess up, learn more, and try again I am teaching Genevieve all of that is okay for her too. We can intentionally fill our cup with knowledge, and simultaneously wing it based on what is currently before us.

No judgement, just growth.