#6: The Value in Values

When I was contemplating what should go above Genevieve's crib, I knew I wanted whatever it was to be aesthetically attractive and symbolically meaningful. I decided on a gallery wall of six realistic pictures of baby animals on a simple white background each with its own phrase in matching gold frames. The simplicity in color, the natural element of animals, combined with meaningful written values are foundational to the environment I wish to surround Genevieve. I will go into more detail about deliberate nursery choices in another post, but today want to focus on the values conveyed in these pictures.

Values are a Value 
In the Lazalier household, values are important. When Andrew and I overcome an argument, voice frustration, create boundaries, or make decisions we lean in to our values. Values are like the roots of a tree, they are an anchor. Integrity, flexibility, kindness, and authenticity are a few of the core values we use to root ourselves. Leaning in to our values also helps us empathize. For instance, though we are not Christians, we can accept the views of friends and family who are without a desire to judge what they believe or try to change them.  We can ask ourselves "what value are they practicing that I share?" I could then say "ah, they are authentically practicing their faith and what that means to them. I appreciate doing the same and its ok that it looks different from my way." Instead of focusing on the differences, using values as a framework allows us to better accept and understand those around us. The manifestations of  values for each individual and each family are different. Therefore, Andrew and I accept that while we can instill certain values in Genevieve, it is up to her to tweak and adapt them to make her own. 

"Be" 
The six pictures above Genevieve's Crib read: Be Brave, Be Silly, Be Wise, Be Happy, Be Curious, and Be Kind. Each of these characteristics are attributes we hope Genevieve values and practices. One value we do not hold is "be smart." I will unpack my position about smart in another post, but the fixed-mindset nature of the word plus the impact on limiting out-of-the-box thinking gives me pause to value it.

"Being Brave" means not shying away from failure and holding authenticity and integrity even when it is difficult. Someone who is brave challenges themselves. "Being Silly" relates to having a good time and enjoying the process. We only have the path in life, there is no destination. Being silly means not taking life or yourself too seriously. "Be Wise" points to the importance of reflection and learning from personal and peer successes and failures. Someone who is wise is contemplative and mindful. "Be Happy" reminds us that happiness is a mindset and we can celebrate the tiniest of joys even amidst difficult times. I'd be remiss not to express that mental health can play a role into this as well. Though it is still a mindset even to accept sitting in your own current struggle and knowing that phase will eventually pass. "Be Curious" asks us to ask questions, seek answers and connections, and avoid judgement. If we are curious we are not assuming or judging a person or situation, but simply constructing understanding. And finally, "Be Kind." Being kind means we have empathy for those who treat us well or poorly. Being kind is different than being nice. The example of this distinction is to be nice is to say "I am sorry" but to be kind is to BE sorry. 

As Genevieve grows, I want her to look at these six pictures and ask "what does that say?" and "what does that mean?" Then I want to ask her what those things mean to her. In moments where she exemplifies these values I want to be able to say "wow! You went down that slide by yourself, did you feel brave like Bear?" I want her environment to be meaningful, for her to learn who she is, and communicate that to the world. I do not hold a vision for who Genevieve is supposed to be or what she will do or accomplish. When Andrew and I talk about her future we say if she goes to college or say "whatever she decides to do." We do not assume who she will be, but we hope to instill values in her that help her learn about herself​ and that she can use as tools to help her create her own unique journey.