#5: Planning for Birth (But More So for Postpartum)

"So what's your birth plan?"
This is is a question I get a lot. And usually after I overview my plan I am met with a blank look and silence. What is my plan you may be wondering? A hospital close to my home and an epidural. While many women feel inspired to experience the raw pain of natural labor, I do not. I know pushing a baby with a 10 cm head out of my 10 cm hole is bad@ss enough and the less I feel, the better. What I find unfortunate, is the lack of support (and straight up judgment) for women who have medicated labors or c-sections. 

As I approached my third trimester I knew I wanted to take some sort of lamaze class to help with early stages of labor, calming techniques, etc. What I did NOT know, is that I would be paying for a course to tell me how I need to switch medical providers if my doctor recommended anything but a natural birth. And on the list of "pros and cons of laboring on your back" read in all capital letters: "NONE." Luckily due to Covid, I am taking this course from the comfort of my own couch. This means I can yell things at the tv in rebuttal. Andrew says he wishes it was in person, because I would likely bring forth similar challenges to any instructor and it would be great entertainment. I am not opposed to women having natural births and doing it their way. I am not opposed to sharing risks of medications or medical equipment during labor, but those positions ought to be shared in a more neutral and unbiased way so women can make informed decisions AND not feel like total sh!t if they do need an emergency c-section or cannot handle the pain of labor.

Prior to purchasing this course (I read the overview and it already sounded aggressively anti-everything in my birth plan) I did some research. I wanted to know "should I even bother with lamaze?" In short, yes. There are benefits to knowing positions and strategies to minimize pain for early labor stages or just in case I cannot have an epidural for any reason. Second, I wanted to know "why is lamaze polarizing in their education program?" I find it interesting that prior to the eighties, Lamaze was more complimentary and impartial. It was after epidurals became more popular in the late eighties that they began to switch to the "all natural or bust" approach. Just like the formula vs. breast argument, it seems preference transitions with the times. I also spoke extensively on the topic with my brother, who is an anesthesiologist, so he gives epidurals for a living. My conclusion is this: trust that you know yourself and the care you need, do research and detach the bias, and above all make the safety of mom and baby priority number one. 80% of births do not go as planned, so winging it and leaning in to what your specific experience requires is incredibly important. 

Have you thought about what you need postpartum? 
A friend recommended the book You are a F*cking Awesome Mom by Leslie Anne Bruce and it is already one of my favorite books on the topic of birth and mamahood I've read to date. Bruce explains how most women prepare a birth plan, but far fewer women actually plan for what they will need in the fourth trimester to recover and adapt. She goes further to express how women now are less prepared than ever to have babies. She says how being more educated, older, having a stronger sense of self, and fuller life make it that much harder to make the transition into juggling the new title of "mom." 

Maybe it is because I didn't want kids for so long or because I've seen the juggle struggle of women close to me, but I am the opposite. I was like "basic birth plan, but let me tell you all about what I expect after this baby is here..." I low-key am not looking forward to giving birth. I am obviously ecstatic to meet Genevieve, but if I could fast forward--I would. I am grateful that I don't live in the age where birth is merely described as "the miracle of life" in isolation and instead now we talk about the crazy and traumatic changes that happen to a woman's body in the transformative process of giving birth. 

Particular about Postpartum 
I had thought much longer and deeper about what I will need in the first days and weeks of Genevieve's arrival. For instance: no visitors until Genevieve is the only one in the house wearing diapers. As my lower region heals and I cope with the initial breast feeding struggles the last thing I want to do is get dressed, have pictures taken, and talk to other people. No, I want to be a hermit in my home and prioritize my needs and learn Genevieve's. I also want to ease the dogs into a new normal as easily as possible. Giant dogs being excited about new visitors, while healing, and handling a new baby (plus Covid) is just too much too soon. Even when we start having visitors (likely after three weeks but I've made that contingent on how we are adjusting) I have set expectations on length of time for each visit. This is because we want to facilitate seeing our many out-of-area friends and family while also having normal days too. 

I am very lucky that Andrew has six weeks of paternity leave and is able to learn how to parent with me during that time. I know that for my initial weeks, I will be trying to take it easy and heal, feed the baby, and stay relaxed. Andrew will be handling the dogs, cleaning, cooking, and assisting as needed. I am VERY fortunate that my husband is incredibly helpful and useful. We have always made a good team juggling what's needed. We don't try to make things equal but rather each take the parts we need to and adjust accordingly. I know many people are shocked that I am not surrounding myself with company to help and support, but I actually am: my husband. 

I anticipate the emotional wave that comes with the hormonal dip from no longer having pregnancy hormones when the placenta is removed. I  expect to feel exhausted from sleep deprivation. I know just moving, breastfeeding, and self care will be challenging. And I know the adjustment to being a mom will be completely transformative. I am not dwelling on the hard stuff to be a negative Nancy. Instead I am holding space for these things because I know awareness of those things and of ourselves is key to thriving through a transition. In bodybuilding, I had no idea how hard the struggle is after you finish a show. You actually have post-show blues, hormonal swings, struggle with diet and your identity. I had a horrible post-show experience my first go-round. The second time around I knew what to expect, knew where I would go dark, and made a plan to combat those things. And guess what? I thrived. So I am unapologetically taking that position with my postpartum plan.