#48: Feeding a Toddler

The compulsion to ensure your little one is eating (add in stress about enough, quality of ingredients, and balance of macronutrients) runs deep for parents. I think about my own mom, and when we visit even as adults, the first thing she wants to do is fill your belly (and heart) with an old favorite, like stuffed bell peppers and peanut butter brownies. Moms just want to make sure you’re “okay” and being fed tops the list of that word’s sub context.  

As a baby, Genevieve guzzled breastmilk. When we introduced solids at six months (beginning with purees) she ate anything and everything offered to her. When we began offering small chunks of food, she was mostly accepting of them too (though sometimes she’d decide on looks alone that certain finger foods were for the dogs and toss them over). It wasn’t until fifteen months that we experienced a real shift in Genevive’s eating. 

Prior to 15 months, Genevieve’s favorite tried-and-true favorites were eggs, sweet potato, and avocado. But that changed; still, at 20 months, she doesn't dig them. I will periodically attempt to offer them, usually changing the form (like using mashed avocado as a toast topper or dip for something) but her evolving palate is still disinterested. Similarly, I can offer her something for lunch that she eats ravenously, but if I offer it again at dinner or the next day, she won’t even touch it. When you buy the ingredients (insert markup for organic everything plus inflation), prepare the meal, do all the dishes, and expect to have meals “ready to go” and they refuse, your little one's stomach may be empty, but frustration fills yours. 

The first time I ever worried Genevieve wasn’t eating enough was at 15 months. She took a mega strike and showed her first ever weight loss between appointments (however this was NOT a loss from her 12-month appointment to her 15-month appointment with her primary doctor. This was a loss from her cardiology appointment to her 15-month appointment two weeks apart). It wasn’t even a substantial loss, and my doctor wasn’t worried, but my mama mind was. 

I remember reading in my baby cookbook that around “12 to 18 months of age, children hit a phase called food neophobia. The theory behind why this phase occurs is that as the child starts walking, they could wander outside and pick something poisonous off the ground. To coincide with this newfound freedom, they develop a newfound fear of foods” (Lvova, 2020). Genevieve took her first steps just after turning 15 months, and really began walking steadily at 18 months. So, I found comfort in this theory, and more easily accepted this shift. A phrase in one of G’s favorite read aloud books, We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, came to mind: and I reminded myself “We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, oh no we have to go through it!” 

[Interventions During Strikes] 
Of utmost importance, I needed to start by getting a handle on my own feelings and actions. As a parent, I want to not only model a healthy relationship with food to Genevieve, but also help her bolster one. Genevieve would cry and throw a fit if you tried to put food into her mouth, however IF she ate a bite, usually she would end up eating the remainder of the serving. This frustrated Andrew and me. However, we didn’t want to force feed G because this felt out of alignment with our value to allow HER the right to determine what and how much goes into her body.

I knew for a time, I needed to let go of my attachment to her eating a perfectly rounded meal and embrace Genevieve’s preferences. Don’t get me wrong, I still offered her a balanced plate, but if literally all of her veggie-fortified pasta and cauliflower chicken nuggets went to the dogs, I tried my best to remain neutral. During this time, I relied more heavily on squeezy packs from Aldi (our preferred baby food for G... great quality and price). At this point, Geneieve MAYBE had one “squeezy” (as we call them) per day. But during this strike, I would begrudgingly give her an additional one or two per day as a snack or with dinner when she really wasn’t eating much else. I think the container was fun for Genevieve to eat from. I remember my mom brain guilting me with thoughts like if you do this, she will ONLY eat squeezies, or you’re being TOO permissive. She NEEDS to just eat what’s offered or go hungry and then she will eat. I shook off those thoughts and am happy to say that G came through that phase, and I could cut back the squeezy offering without issue. 

Teething also played a role into the equation. G has 16 teeth at 20 months of age, and the second food strike also coincided with her molars breaking through. During this time, I was more permissive with snacking. I would offer her peanut butter toast, hummus and crackers, various types of puffs, and grain and fruit bars. While I am sure someone could point out that this could have curbed her mealtime appetite, it worked for us, and she didn’t become averse to meals from this temporary lapse in more abundant snacking. 

During this time, I would also not force staying in the highchair. If Genevieve said, “all done” and meant it, the mealtime was over. Case closed. I add the phrase “and meant it” because I would try several interventions before calling it quits for most meals. However, if she became visibly frustrated or emotional, we were in fact “all done.” 

I had to shake off the amount of time planning, prepping, and cleaning up I would do during this time. Not to mention the food waste. If I offer any advice to parents in general about the parenting stage of toddlers, it's that efficiency (of resources and time) is NOT the priority. There is peace in simply accepting that explicitly. 

Some interventions I tried that really worked for us were as follows: 

• Dipping: Geneieve might refuse a chicken nugget. However, if I gave her some red pepper hummus or a little cup of organic ketchup to dip it in using her finger or fork, she’d usually take a bite. 
• Appetizer: Eating begets eating. So, I would offer G a favorite snack while I prepped her meal to get her munching. Usually, a couple veggie straws or zesty garden puffs. 
• Neutral Offering Response: I would load a fork or put pieces of something on her tray without saying anything. I would also look away while she brought it to her nose or lips to explore. I did this because if I watched her, she’d lick it and look to me gauge my reaction. Minimizing eye contact (but watching from the corner of my eye) reduces pressure or any attempt on G’s part of feeling like I am trying to get her to do something–the will of toddlers I'll tell ya… 
• Reheat: Sometimes, especially with pasta or meat, if the item was sitting for too long and got too cold, she wouldn’t want it. But popping it back in the microwave for ten seconds would occasionally work to get her to continue eating. 
• Switching utensils or how the food is offered: Genevieve has been comfortable with a fork and spoon since she was 12-15 months old. Sometimes I will even grab an adult spoon or fork and the switch up is something she enjoys. Sometimes I “load” the utensil for her, other times I put some bites on her tray and then let her “poke” or “scoop” from the bowl herself. Other times I may switch all together and offer her a hunk to bite from (like an open-face turkey and cheese sandwich or a waffle). I do this dance throughout the meal and just try offering the same items in different ways. One day for instance Andrew told me while feeding G a breakfast waffle that she was done after eating ⅓ of it. I gave her the fork and combined that with her dipping into syrup and she ate the ENTIRE waffle. He was shocked, but truly sometimes just offering the same thing with a twist can be just enough to motivate them. 
• G Feed Me: This works pretty well. I will admit, sometimes I do not want to eat what she’s eating but letting her put some food into my mouth does the trick. I don’t make a big show at how yummy it is, I just open, bite, chew, and nod. She gets a kick out of it and usually follows up with taking another bite herself. Sometimes too I will grab a piece of food and take a bite and she almost incredulously is like “Hey, that’s mine!” and opens wide. 
• Parent Switch: Andrew and I found this one incidentally. We would take turns feeding G dinner or eating ourselves. If one of us finished first, we would take over feeding Genevieve. It would almost reinvigorate her appetite and while the first feeder thought she was almost done, she’d surprise us by eating substantially more with greater gusto. Maybe too the social impact of the other parent eating with her played a role as well. This strategy of course is contingent on the condition of both parents being home. 

Sickness can play a role in what your toddler is willing to eat, too. For instance, Genevieve typically loves cows milk. However, after her recent illness, shes still really disinterested (and I would actually go as far to say disgusted) by milk. We have attempted in many different containers, times of day, and even brought out the big guns (chocolate milk). Yet all attempts have fallen flat. I believe this is related to Genevieve’s phlegm and am hopeful she’ll resume her normal intake soon. Yesterday we even attempted to introduce almond milk. She accepted a few sips, but still seems to be disgusted by milk. In the meantime, I try to increase dairy intake with cheese and Greek yogurt for calcium and vitamin D. 

Genevieve really enjoys a variety of food. But she doesn’t enjoy them consistently. I rotate tried-and-true recipes, experiment with new ones (always having "safe foods" on the plate) and offer her portions of the daily dinners we have for us. Safe foods are those that have been introduced before and are items she typically enjoys filling up on.  I prepare and keep some things in the freezer I know she often eats (homemade chicken nuggets, veggie fortified marinara sauce, and egg & cheese quesadillas). 

Food is fuel, and I want Genevieve to learn that a balanced meal includes protein (typically lean-meat based), a complex carb (bread, rice, potato, noodle), fat (olive oil from cooking, nut butters, butter, cheese) and veggie. We pepper in fruits as well, though Genevieve is prone to diaper rash from them. Turkey lunch meat, pork sausage, and salmon are her current favorite proteins. I just introduced tuna to her (a part of my daily lunch), and she enjoyed it. I usually have a container in the fridge of whole wheat noodles and add some type of sauce (she’s been loving pesto lately). I use whole wheat toast with hummus or peanut butter or make an open face melt with shredded cheese and lunch meat. Her daily smoothie is an excellent source of nutrition and something she enjoys, too. Geneieve is also a great hydrator. We model drinking water throughout the day, and she loves sipping from our cups and always has a water bottle within reach. We find when she fills up on good protein, she hydrates and sleeps best. 

[Meal Schedule] 
I do not (nor strive to) keep a strict routine. However, I find that feeding with a rhythm helps keep Genevieve in a good mood, sleep well, poop regularly, and gives me a sense of predictability (which helps me make plans or facilitate chores or errands). Since Genevieve was a baby, I kept to the advice that its best to break a fast upon waking (rather than when falling asleep). Of course, there were times when G needed a bottle or breast feeding ahead of falling asleep (teething or while in a leap). However, I always offered milk upon waking and when we introduced food, I implemented the same strategy. 

I will share a typical day below and add a general time, for example's sake. Genevieve will typically keep to this flow of day based on her wake window. However, the time will vary based on when she begins her day. 

7:30 am: Wake and drink 6 oz of milk in sippy straw cup (she’s in her crib while I vacuum) 
8:30 am:  Eat breakfast (one hour or so after milk)
10:30 am: Snack 1 (usually outside)
12:30- 3:30 pm: NAP 
3:45 pm: Eat lunch
4:30 pm: Snack 2 
5:30 pm: Dinner 
6:30 pm: Sippy with 6 oz of milk 
7 pm: Brush teeth, say goodnight, fall asleep independently in crib (usually 30 minutes later)

I am deliberate that I do not give G more than 6 oz of cow's milk per bottle because our pediatrician expressed too much can lead to iron deficiency and that 16 oz is the max per day. This allows me to fall under that threshold and keeps room for yogurt, cheese, and dairy foods throughout the day. In the baby food book I use, it recommends offering 2 oz of milk with meals and snacks. However, the two 6-oz bottles have worked for us where G enjoys them, digests them well, and sleeps through the night (so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it).

I literally enter her room with the vacuum in the morning and her milk to break her fast. When G has her bedtime milk, she usually has about 30 more minutes of silly play time in her before she herself wants to go to bed. I will offer her a couple graham crackers or an occasional special cookie (currently enjoying her first Girl Scout cookie season and thin mints). The other night she ate her thin mint and signed for more. I expressed she could only have one tonight and that she could have another tomorrow. She held a furrowed brow before accepting this and moving back into play. She might want more, but this is where my role as parent comes in to teach her the importance of eating within a reasonable serving size. And giving her "sugar" before bedtime doesn't negatively impact her sleep or mood... she consistently sleeps through the night AND if she rouses self-soothes. 

Typically, it's about an hour after being awake that I give G solid breakfast. This seems far enough away from milk that she eats well but not too far where she gets hangry. Right now, G’s typical breakfast includes an Aldi squeezy that contains fruit, oats, and flaxseed, bell peppers, and either a whole wheat waffle with syrup or 2 mini sausage biscuits. I will ask G to select her squeezy and if she wants a waffle or biscuit. I believe choice is good, but I also know at this stage open-ended choice is too overwhelming. Two options help your little feel like they are weighing in without the action weighing too much on them. 

For lunch, I always offer G a smoothie (containing banana, Greek yogurt, milk, peanut butter, spinach or kale, and mixed fruit). I prepare this every other day during her nap. In addition to this, I offer either a turkey and cheese open face melt or an egg and cheese quesadilla. Though she’s also really liking cheese and turkey cold right now.  I always include hummus (original or red pepper mini containers I split across 2 days). I offer mixed veggies (I get a frozen mix with peas, corn, and carrots) and either crackers or veggie straws for dipping. 

Dinner varies based on what we’ve prepared for dinner. We may offer tikka masala or Cajun chicken pasta, a burger with cheese on a brioche bun, or a salmon, lemon turmeric rice, and broccoli bowl. I always have chicken nuggets and veggie marinara servings in the freezer I make homemade. She also really enjoys American cheese melted over a piece of toast or pesto pasta. I offer the same veggie mix as lunch or more bell peppers. I may also offer an orange, pineapple, or other fruit that we have on hand that week.  

Our snacks vary. I love using fruit and grain bars for Genevieve. I always have at least two varieties to offer. Typically, I give her a fruit and grain bar for her first snack because it follows our morning run together. I pack it in the stroller and while I drink water and catch my breath, she runs around the front and eats her snack. Our second snack in the afternoon is occasionally a squeezy pouch (usually one with fruit and veggies mixed), a piece of peanut butter toast, tomato basil or veggie puff, or something else I have on hand that she says yes to when I offer. I am not locked in to only two snacks, but typically that’s how it shakes out. During certain times like sickness, food strikes, or growth spurts I offer and allow more snacks and flow with what I perceive she needs and what she expresses she needs. 

In my diaper bag I always pack snacks in case we are out, and she wants something. We also enjoy spontaneity of letting her try new foods while we are out, but I have never regretted having extra safe foods on hand while we are out. I keep: 

• One granola bar (vanilla chip from Aldi… also a great snack if I need one) 
• One fruit and grain bar 
• One fruit and veggie squeezy 
• One meat protein + savory squeezy 
• Freshly filled water cup 
• A purple airtight silicone container I load before we go with puffs, animal crackers or regular crackers 
• A little silicon self-serving cup (the one where she can independently put her hand in to get the treat but not spill it everywhere at once) that is empty. I will add a small amount from the purple container into this cup if she’s irritable–especially helpful at the checkout at the grocery store. 

…​

If you’re reading this because you are currently navigating feeding a toddler or because you’re curious about what’s on the horizon, I hope you’ve found a nugget that you may find helpful or that my experience has allowed you to get curious about your own little one and way of doing it. The willfulness of a toddler is not something to fight during mealtimes, but rather accept. By this I DO NOT mean to accept poor behavior, but rather lean into the knowing that developmentally your toddler is learning that they are their own person with preferences and feelings. Ironically, parents get frustrated that their kids are being controlling when a parent "battling" their little is ALSO trying to maintain control. We can simply remove control from the equation by empathizing with our little person, diversifying what we offer, notice what they like, and try try TRY our best to help them eat a balanced plate. 

I love going to restaurants with Genevieve and letting her try something new (minus the time she choked at Fire Street Pizza). Food is fuel. But food is also tied to celebration, connection, and joy. I don’t want mealtimes to be miserable, but rather a place where we can laugh, sing, talk, and be together. Sure, does Genevieve running her hummus hands in her hair to ask for a bath sometimes make me cringe? Yes, yes it does. Do I ever want to shovel the food that I KNOW she likes into her mouth to get the meal going? Definitely. But do I try to remind myself that this little person has a right to what and how much goes in and to not feel shame or guilt around food waste so she can learn to trust her body’s cues for hunger and being full? YES, I really emphatically do. So, feeding your toddler may sometimes feel like you’re going on a bear hunt, but again I’ll say: “you can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, but [together] you have to go through it!” 

Sources: 
Lvova, Yaffi, RDN. Stage-By-Stage Baby Food Cookbook. Emeryville:Rockridge Press. 2020. Print. 

[Product Recommendations]

• My Absolute FAVORITE sippy cup: Amazon.com: FDBTL Baby Soft Spout Sippy Cups, Learner Cup with Removable Handles, Leak-Proof, Spill-Proof, A Straw Brush, Break-Proof Cups for Toddlers Infant (Green 9oz) : Baby
• Toddler smock with Sleeves (the best for keeping clothes clean and easy to clean): Amazon.com: WILLOW + SIM Waterproof Long Sleeve Baby Bibs for Baby Girl – Waterproof Bibs - Wipe Clean, Washable - Long Sleeve Bibs For Babies : Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry
• Bellatunno Snack container: Snaccidents Happy Snacker - Bella Tunno Gear | Maisonette​