#4: Gratitude to My Mother

I grew up as the only girl with three older brothers. From a young age, my mother always expressed I ought to stand up for myself and championed my strong will. Not only did she nurture these qualities in me, but she modeled them herself. When I think of how to characterize my mother growing up, I think about how strong she was for us (despite facing many challenges herself). How she held us to high standards while also being a support for us to lean on. And that no matter what, she loved each of us for who we authentically were. Today, I want to take some time to express gratitude for the ways my mother continues to mother me as an adult. Motherhood isn't just about raising a child, but rather is a relationship that (if you're lucky like me) adapts and adjusts with age and time. 

Unorthodox and Out-of-the-Box 
As a child, I was incredibly argumentative. Not in a combative sense (ok, maybe sometimes), but rather I've always found enjoyment from healthy discourse. This was not always met with support *a certain religious teacher comes to mind who refused to accept my questions in class when I was twelve.* If you couple my deliberate nature, strong convictions, and adherence to authenticity there is little surprise that I am anything but traditional. 

I am certain that it could not be easy to always accept my less-than-traditional approach to life's major events; but I am so grateful that my mother always did (and without guilt trips). When I expressed that Andrew and I would go to the court house in Texas to get married with only two of our closest friends and that we wouldn't have a wedding shower or true reception, she accepted this. Not only that, but she supported it. She gave me the diamond in her wedding ring so it could be the diamond in my own setting and helped create a laid-back barbecue in place of a reception. She was not attached to what that moment wouldn't mean for her, but rather allowed me to have the moment that meant most to me. 

Fast forward to now with the the imminent arrival of Genevieve and my mother is continuing to show her support and understanding for my way of doing things (of course, still untraditional). Even if Covid was not pervasively intruding into our lives, I would not have a baby shower. While I definitely understand women enjoying them, I am not one of those women. I am a person who values deeper conversations, quality time, and abhor superficial moments. Not to mention the games make me cringe (these are my personal characterizations and if yours vary that is a-okay).  Not once has my mother expressed negative opinions about this choice. In fact, each month she continues to surprise me with a thoughtful gift or money to help contribute to the nursery. These tiny gestures really do mean so much. Not because I need money for stuff, but because these deliberate actions make me feel seen as a daughter and valued for who I am and what I stand for. Plus, when I look in the nursery, I see my mother, Genevieve's grandmother,  there in the space, even though she is thirteen hours away.   

Staying Connected even with Distance 
One positive outcome from all this Covid madness is that my mother and I talk so much more regularly. Since I am abstaining from the gym to protect Genevieve and myself from Covid, I walk my neighborhood daily. Most days I call my mom and we simply talk and connect. While we are far apart, the conversations make me feel like we see each other frequently and I am more connected to what is going on with in Saint Louis. My mother is never trying to push advice or opinions on me about choices I plan to make for birth or motherhood. She has expressed that she is there if I have questions or want her opinion on something, and avoids unsolicited advice. 

Even when I expressed Andrew and I wished to hold off on visitors for Genevieve's initial weeks home, my mother simply said "I'll be there when you're ready and I will help however you need." This is incredibly meaningful because I know that she will be itching to meet her newest granddaughter, but rather than putting her own desires first she supports my decision to prioritize establishing our new household "normal." When she makes that visit, I know she will be soaking up all that quality time with her new granddaughter, but her focus isn't on simply her desire to see the baby, but helping Andrew and I as we need too. The quality I appreciate most in my mother is she is not about the photo moments, but rather about actually being present for her loved ones. 

Impacts for Genevieve
When I consider the ways of my own mother and the impact they've had on me, I am reminded that my own ways will impact Genevieve. Andrew and I both hold the belief that Genevieve is her own unique individual. As parents we hope to support her on her own becoming journey. I am certain there will be times that her wills and wishes are not aligned to my own opinions. In these moments I will remember my own mother and her support and acceptance regardless of my personal positions. There will be times when I am hurt by her actions or words, but I will remember I want my daughter to be strong and authentic, just like my own did for me. But more than anything I want a daughter who wants to include me in her life, even if it is not the way I envision it to be.

I am so grateful for my mother. I am grateful for her flaws, her growth over time, and her unwavering love. I am grateful for the woman she supported me in becoming and for the mother she will have helped me to be.