#3:Staying Home, Staying Balanced

When Andrew and I were discussing the prospect of having Baby Lazalier, an important consideration was whether we would be a dual-income or single-income household. We settled on the latter. Neither choice is unilaterally superior, though when we weighed the costs and benefits of both, we felt a single-income household was preferable for the lifestyle we wanted to create. 

The Dynamics
We certainly live in a world where work-life balance is askew, side hustles are almost an expectation, and the "stuff" you have determines your worth. The older Andrew and I get, the more we realize the value in having less stuff and more time and space. For our household, we want to balance family time with work. Andrew has a demanding work schedule, and likely will uproot us a couple more times as he continues to climb the ladder at work. With those considerations coupled with the astronomical cost of great childcare, a single-income dynamic is more appealing to us (at least for now). When Andrew gets off work is completely variable, if he needs to go in to oversee projects or problems on weekends is totally variable, and early mornings and late nights occur frequently. That means if I was working full time as well, I would be the one responsible for pickups, taking off work for a sick child, and juggling all of that with my own work obligations. None of that sounds appealing to me and I can only imagine the resentment and frustration likely to arise. I also have a background in child development, teaching, and enjoy being with children so it makes sense for me to prioritize that early relationship with my own.

With one of us working outside of the home and one of us prioritizing the needs of the household, we can more easily facilitate a work-family life balance that we'd like without gassing and taxing ourselves. As someone who has often worked full-time with at least one side hustle in tow while prepping for a competition, I can say I have learned to appreciate space and not grinding it out just to say you could. In life we only have the path (each day) and the hustle and bustle make it go by in a snap (and the day to day is often miserable). Andrew and I are trying to create a life that is focused on the present, is slower-paced, and more deliberate. We want our life to be one that doesn't have us holding our breath to the next vacation, but brings us enjoyment each day. 

Stay-at-Home but not Helicopter 
In the United States so much of an individual's identity is in the job they hold, therefore the ego attachment to that title and their accomplishments are significant. I believe this is why so many stay-at-home moms are characterized as helicopter moms and overbearing. Because the child is seen as the mom's "job" the child's development, achievements, and activities are also seen as the mom's accomplishments. I am already trying to be mindful of detaching my ego from the person Genevieve becomes. I am not attached to what she achieves, how quickly she learns, or anything else. I see myself as a guide and mentor there to facilitate her growth into the person she wishes to become. This means I will be mindful of the environment and resources she has exposure to, while not trying to overbook a schedule or create a mini resume to validate my job as a stay-at-home parent. 

 Other Benefits 
Beyond the benefits of bonding and quality time (my love language) that this affords me with Genevieve but also Andrew (since we only have to balance the needs of his work time away), Heidi and Burlioz will also be able to have adequate attention to their needs. Not to mention, the twice-daily vacuuming and other home chores can easily be squeezed into the day. Errands too can be done during the day and don't take away from family time during the evenings or on weekends. Why sure we could pay for a meal-prep, cleaning, or lawn care service. We could pay for these services (and there is nothing wrong with households who do); we prefer to do them ourselves. We enjoy the day to day regularity and simplicity of owning your own environment and for us, and this is a value we hope to instill in Genevieve as well.