#2:Reflecting on 2/3rds

Today officially marks week 28 with Baby G, and that means I am officially into my third trimester. It almost feels surreal that Genevieve will be here in approximately 12 weeks. I am reminding myself that this is plenty of time and to take everything in stride (but the desire to nest and learn all-the-things is real). As I enter the last third of my pregnancy, I want to take some time to reflect on my feelings, experiences, and choices from trimesters one and two.This post will be slightly longer than my normal post length since I am combining both reflections. 

Trimester One: Space to Process 
I still remember the day we found out we were pregnant. I am almost freakishly attuned to my body and had a *feeling* for a couple weeks. The dogs definitely seemed to know something was up too. They rarely follow me into the bathroom, but were really interested in the smell of my urine (TMI but oh well). We chose not to share with friends and family until we were 14 weeks along. While we did confide in a couple friends and tell neighbors earlier than that, we waited to tell our loved ones closest to us. When I reflect on why we chose to do this, I believe it has a lot to do with protecting those who would have a vested interest in Baby Lazalier. *Telling a neighbor or friend about a miscarriage feels less emotionally taxing than a would-be grandparent or uncle* Our families had no idea we were going to have kids--let alone were currently trying to have one. But I can say, the shock and disbelief on Thanksgiving when we finally did share was priceless. 

I initially felt a total sense of bliss early into pregnancy. A serene joy that appeared attached to nothing specific (if you know me, this isn't a common orientation for me). That bliss did quickly turn in to nausea and lethargy coupled with a significant love of spaghetti and meatballs (now if there is a meatball on a cooking show I turn the channel--I am not joking). The nausea and lethargy stayed with me until the first day of trimester two. During this time I felt lazy and rather useless, but I was able to sleep like a baby and took full advantage. Andrew was very sweet about it and would say "you're not useless, you're growing a baby..." While I always rolled my eyes, I too always appreciated these words and his kindness.

While I was always very nauseous, I never threw up. I attribute this partially to understanding that you're more likely to throw up on an empty stomach due to bile, so I never went anywhere without a snack packed, ate something right before bed, and immediately upon waking. Even when I was queasy, I'd still eat something (or drink orange juice). I also abstained from any and all powder supplements: no protein powders, BCAAs, etc. I wanted to focus nutrition from real foods rather than artificial powders (but I totally indulged in Freddy's steak burgers during this point of my pregnancy). 

The biggest hiccup for us during this time was that Andrew had Covid with symptoms at the end of October. Fortunately we hadn't been too close due to work being chaotic (he'd come home, eat, and pass out then repeat). He came home one day and said "I feel funny, but I don't think its Covid..." In this house, you have Covid until proven otherwise so quarantine in the guest spaces started immediately. Fortunately I did not get Covid during that time and it was a piece of mind knowing Andrew had the antibodies for at least three months. He likely got it from our gym, and so the saddest decision I had to make was abstaining from the gym until Baby G's arrival. 

The first trimester seemed to take a long time. For one, I found out very early I was pregnant (just a couple weeks along) and second because I DO NOT keep secrets and held this one for several months. The nausea and lethargy probably didn't help speed time along either. But that time was also really wonderful and peaceful. It was Andrew and my secret to hold and process together and that deep connection is the component of trimester one I will hold to the light and keep in my memory most. 

Trimester Two: Routine, Nesting, & Feeling Great
I woke up day one of trimester two and walked the dogs, showered, cleaned the house, and helped cook sides for Thanksgiving dinner before FaceTiming lots of family... needless to say this level of energy and productivity felt absolutely amazing. Fortunately, that energy persisted. While I did have to take "breaks" after more exerting tasks I had way more gas in the tank. I also was rarely nauseous, maybe a handful of days the entire trimester. My cravings totally switched too. I LOVED (actually still do) red hot and wanted what I call "bland prep food" (egg whites, chicken, veggies, rice, sweet potato) over burgers and Italian food that I craved in trimester one. I also got into a great daily routine. An important component of that routine involved walking in my neighborhood. I would aim for 6-10 miles a day. This allowed me fresh air, to socialize with neighbors, call and connect with family and friends, and listen to parenting and pregnancy audiobooks. As I became more pregnant, I chose to listen to my body and now aim more for 4-7 miles a day. I also added in prenatal yoga routines (I love Sarah Beth on Youtube) once I noticed more strain in my back from my growing bump. I also would occasionally lift some weights in the living room. 

I really didn't start showing until I was beyond 20 weeks pregnant. While I am not really one for the regular bump picture updates, I made sure to take a couple to see the growth of the process. I felt like I was going to wake up one day and BAM! There'd be the bump, and that is exactly what happened. I have also had (and Andrew can attest) minimal hormonal swings. To be honest, late-in-prep-hormonal Kelly is more challenging than pregnant Kelly. I've been pretty relaxed overall. I know many women talk about how amazing feeling your baby move inside of you is--and while I DO find extreme relief in knowing Baby G is growing and bumping to the day's groove--it is still alien and strange AF to me. Though I remind myself to be present with this stage of the process and not to wish any part of the process away; I merely wanted to describe my less-than-sentimental and honest feelings too. 

In trimester two I really noticed a difference in sleep. I began sleeping on my side per instructions to help reduce stress on the spine and aid in Baby G's access to oxygen. But I hated it (and still do). I wake regularly in the night to go to the bathroom and drink water and some nights I am up for a sustained period of time. I am leaning in to this by reminding myself it is great practice for the disruption in sleep once Baby G is here and night feedings disrupt my sleep. 

In trimester two I really began having waves of "needing to nest." Some days I would wake up and be adamant about getting the crib, or starting the baby first aid kit, or feel like "oh my god, I need to listen to an audiobook about breast feeding today." This part of the process has been so much fun. I describe the nursery as my happy place. I love just sitting in there with the large windows, taking in the light, and just feeling what that space will be like with Genevieve there too.

​Genevieve Ryan will be with us soon enough, and we are so overjoyed to be with her on her journey in this world. For the second trimester I will really remember the reality of Baby G's imminent arrival: everyone knowing, the tangible "stuff" in the nursery space, and ultrasound pictures that show her discernible features. 

Ultrasound Trimester One 

Ultrasound Trimester Two 

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