#22: Sleep 2.0

The title for this post is quite appropriate because while it would have initially represented "sleep in the first two months" it now not only means that but also "the second draft of this blog post." I started writing this when Genevieve hit two months because our sleep routine seemed to really become consistent, then she entered her second developmental leap and for a couple days we were thrown to the wind on regularity. I paused and gave time to figure out what I really wanted to share as it relates to sleep (thus far) and scrapped my first draft. If parenting does anything, it certainly helps you edit and pivot. Instead of merely detailing our sleep progression and choices, I will outline a couple big picture ideas that helped and hold true (for our journey at least). 

Shifts 
At the hospital Genevieve slept soundly in her bassinet while swaddled. I kid you not the second we tried to do this at home she wailed like it was the worst moment of her life (heck, it very well could have been). Andrew and I looked at each other and I literally uttered "uh-oh..." to which Andrew responded wide-eyed "that's not good." We certainly expected disrupted sleep, but we DID make the (erroneous) assumption that we would be able to place her flat to sleep (at least some of the time). Because Andrew and I were navigating the baby-care ship ourselves, we knew getting quality sleep for us was a top priority and so we devised a shift system. I can say that since G came home I have felt rested each day and greatly attribute that to this system. Don't get me wrong, there are a handful of days I needed a nap, but overall felt rested and recharged using this system. 

The shift system was simple: one parent gets uninterrupted sleep in our bed and the other stays up or tries to catch some zzz's in a different room of the house while tending to any of Genevieve's needs during that time. What the parent on deck did during that time was up to them. Andrew and I made different choices based on our preferences. Initially I liked just having coffee on my late shift and binged a show or podcasts while chilling in the nursery recliner while G was in her crib. Andrew liked watching the NBA playoffs and holding G as she slept in the living room or slept in the guest room while G was in her crib in the room across the hall (and used the video monitor). We of course evolved the system as we went based on the needs of Andrew, Genevieve, and myself. 

Initially Andrew took the first shift from 9 pm to 3 am because he liked staying up for the playoff games. While Genevieve is only taking breastmilk, during this time Andrew would feed her a bottle so I could get a solid stretch of rest (or only need to wake up to pump and go right back down). Then at 3 am I would take over and Andrew would sleep until around 10:30 am or so. I loved this because I am a historically early riser and loved having coffee and watching the sunrise. In the first few weeks swaddling G was still a task (she can kick and punch her way out of any swaddle configuration and we are basically swaddle-origami masters at this point). We mostly let her sleep like a "tree frog" on our chest or next to us on her boppy lounger (I know, I know... not advised by "Safe Sleep"). 

We attempted sleep sacks of many styles, different swaddles and blankets, and ultimately settled on her personal favorite: swaddle blankets with velcro. She can still muster her way out of them, but not as easily. Around the same time we switched shifts: I took the 9pm-3am wakeful shift and Andrew took 3 am- 8 am shift (I rarely even slept that long... thanks oversupply). We did this around week 4 of paternity leave because this would be a more realistic shared shift style for when Andrew went back to work. I totally hated being up in the twilight hours and sleeping at the fresh start of the morning, but I settled into it. Initially I drank coffee just to stay awake (dosing in and out seemed worse than just riding out a wakeful shift). I even made meal prep and had a meal around 1 am (ground turkey, peas, and white rice flavored with Mrs. Dash southwest seasoning). Genevieve's need to cluster feed or sleep and eat pattern was too variable to plan or get solid rest so I just rode the wave for a while. But eventually she settled into a groove, and then I eliminated drinking coffee and my meal and slept around the times she did. 

When Andrew went back to work this system worked well for us. He was conditioned to wake around this time to workout anyway. Though at the time he moved his gym days to the weekend and weekday mornings were for baby care. At ten weeks now, Genevieve night routine now is such that I described I don't really need the 3 am shift change because I get enough sleep by ebbing and flowing with her sleep-feed pattern (plus I know Andrew values the uninterrupted sleep more than me). For the past few days we have not transitioned at 3 am and I just hold the entire night shift and it has worked beautifully. However, we hold the agreement that if we have an extra challenging night or if I am really exhausted that I will wake him and he will watch her from 3 am until leaving for work around 6 am. This concept of shifts started as shared responsibility and naturally evolved to fit the pattern that works best for all of us. The next step will be Andrew adding back weekday morning gym sessions and continue with me holding down her nighttime needs. 

Watch Bebe Not the Clock 
When determining and anticipating G's needs I am not overly concerned with the time on the clock. This is especially true for those initial weeks. I did not focus on when she fell asleep each night or nap, nor did I attempt to use an app to chart and find regularity. I took the position that the only thing regular about a newborn's schedule IS irregularity and intentionally chose to ebb and flow with her day-to-day variance. I can happily (and restfully) share that a natural pattern emerged, her day and night rhythms became aligned, and the duration of consolidated rest has continued to lengthen now that we find ourselves ten weeks into it. 

I use my background in child development but also dog training a lot here. Basically in order to establish a behavioral habit, we must first do the hardest thing: capture the initial behavior. Once that behavior is expressed, repeating it is a much easier process. For instance, getting Genevieve to sleep on her back and swaddled in her crib was not easy to capture. I made an effort to calmly attempt this at every rest period. I would then give her a modest amount of time to settle. If she began hard crying I defaulted to letting her sleep on me. We were able to capture this in her pack and play during the daytime initially, then her crib, then at night. And now she prefers sleeping flat in her crib and self soothes very well. This took weeks and patience to accomplish but was well worth the consistent effort. I believe if we would have had more hands helping or visitors early on this would have been hard to do. Namely because everyone wants to hold and interact with the baby and therefore the practice of putting baby to sleep on a flat surface for every rest period is not only occurring less often but also with greater variability in how it is done. 

The topic of infant sleep is a contentious one. The book that I utilize for the basis of Genevieve's sleep pattern is Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby by Dr. Weissbluth. I do not do everything by the book, but certainly subscribe to several foundational ideas. While I do wake G to feed (per my pediatrician's recommendation for her age), I am very mindful about how I wake her. If it is during the day I open her curtains and start to make noise in her room. She gradually will open her eyes and usually be quite happy. The biggest take away for me is that temperament is directly related to quality of sleep. Basically I understand that junk sleep is sleep that involves moving (rocking, swing, walking, or a car ride) and quality sleep involves non-moving sleep (on a still parent or in a crib). The movement impedes REM sleep. Also, quality of sleep is impacted by a routine. I will speak more to routine later, but by keeping errands with G to a minimum and her day and evening routines predictable, she sleeps better consistently and therefore is happier while awake. Another component of Weissbluth's I believe in is the need to put baby to sleep before the significant signs appear (drowsy but awake) because their presence actually means the baby is overtired and already should be asleep. I use the clock a bit here, and if she has been up for an hour to ninety minutes, its likely getting close to a rest time and I try to notice those cues. When her blinking and movements start to slow or she seems a tad fussy, thats the best indicator we need to go down, drowsy but awake. Lately we do a 5-10 minute comfort feed and then I swaddle her and walk away. She may chatter, have eyes open, or cry a little but usually within ten minutes (at max) she is down for the count. 

I primarily watch and respond to Genevieve's emergent needs, rather than trying to make her fit into the schedule most desirable to Andrew and I. When I see she is drowsy, though still fairly awake, it is time to begin the smooth process of a rest period. I wholeheartedly believe that this process of watching for baby's needs is easier when there are less cooks in the kitchen. Meaning Andrew and I are the ones balancing her rhythms and consistently responding to them. If we had more help it would likely help in the short term for that moment, but makes establishing a routine and recognizing cues less organic and smooth. 

Routine
At ten weeks I can say Genevieve's consistent schedule is as follows: 
- Wakes between 7 and 8 am to eat every morning and then goes almost right back to sleep for her first nap for two-ish hours. 
- Then for the day she alternates between periods of wakefulness lasting between one and two hours (sometimes she will stay up for two hours solid and then have a longer rest period) 
- She breastfeeds immediately upon waking and enjoys comfort feeding prior to most naps 
- We begin our nightly wind down between 9-9:30 pm
- Genevieve will wake to eat and go immediately back to sleep until she wakes in the morning (she most regularly feeds around 1 am and 4 am) 

Something people often love to say is "just wait until ...." when I say Genevieve sleeps well. I got this when she was a newborn and super calm and I get it now that I can say she is sleeping well. I am not in the habit of holding on to what might suck later, nor am I naive enough to believe this current schedule will be maintained forever. Just last week she had two days that greatly varied from this pattern when she entered her second developmental leap. What I appreciate most about noticing her routine is that I can respect and protect it and use it to anticipate needs. When she needs variance from it, we go with her actual needs in that moment, BUT by understanding her rhythm right now I can better plan when to take a shower, workout, write in my blog or plan when I eat without baby impeding. 

The place where our routine is still the most shaky is probably without surprise the evening when Andrew gets home from work and before bed. Andrew's return time home is variable, when we can do our nightly dog walk based on the Texas heat is variable, when she gets her bath and when we eat dinner and how we spend our time... all completely variable. That means we have totally had days with the fabled but totally real witching hour. I have found that it is easier to keep her happy during the evening when we ride the sleep/eat/ wake pattern used all day long. When we do this, she is just as happy and sweet until bedtime as she was during her morning wakeful periods. 

Dr. Weissbluth harps on how important it is to keep regularity in baby's schedule. While that often doesn't jive with the fast-paced and overflowing schedules of most, he describes how a lack of schedule and regularity of quality rest impacts temperament. Meaning even if you have a easy to moderate temperament baby, if she goes without quality sleep (day and/or night) regularly  then she will become fussy and crabby. Therefore if your baby is fussy and crabby, looking at your sleep habits and patterns could alleviate some of those problematic behaviors. Of course, there is a natural variability in temperament across individuals. I would place G in the easy to moderate temperament category. Kiddos who have a more challenging baseline temperament, gastrointestinal issues, or colic likely would need additional interventions or needs as well. I count my blessings in regards to G's relaxed nature, AND I still make efforts to preserve that condition. So far I feel like we did a great deal of winging it based on Genevieve's daily needs and I am impressed that with time and intentionality we have found a great swing of things thus far.